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So I met this guy and we hit it off right away on playstation home. For me it was the feeling of falling in love. I just let myself feel wonderful with this guy and I could feel how wonderful I made him feel too. I found out that he was a kick boxer who had recently had a bad auto accident and now has pins and a plate in his leg which will stop him from doing what he does best to make his living. It seems I am attracted to guys who are hurting and am able to heal them, at least mentally for awhile. Anyway it was really nice until the other day when he was distracted and had to leave me to see another girl on playstation home. I started coming down from my high and figured I would crash like I usually do when I let myself fall in love in this virtual world. 
But this time it was different. A guy who I have been in virtual contact with for over a year showed up and told me how sorry he was for getting me upset the last time we were together. He was being mean to one of my other male friends, probably because he was jealous, and I asked him to be nice but he said no, so I left him. Now he regretted being such a jerk because he felt really bad knowing I was upset with him. It was at that point that I understood how much he cared for me and he really did ease the pain of my recent feeling of being betrayed..
The guy who left me for another girl showed up, probably because she was just playing around with him, and wanted to pick up where we left off. But my friend for over a year, who actually cared about me, was there and he went out of his way to be nice to my ex-lover. I felt very touched that he would do that for me and told him so, which made him feel wonderful. Maybe this is what love is really about.

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cybersex

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I walk to the middle of the room with poise and turn to face you. My arms cross lightly and my hip curves outward…lovely roundness….gripping and voluptuous. Then I drop into a lotus position and close my eyes.

You drop to the ground and attempt a lazy lotus in front of me. I tickle out a laugh, but proceed to squat near to kneel and touch your head. “Straight and dignified, maybe raise it little to the air. Receive your thoughts; don’t look down on them unless you need to hide them. Relax your shoulders, no need to prepare them for battle. Unlock your posture, no…Not sloppy, just up and straight….with ease. Feel it, the inner you. It beats inside of you like a soft whisper…you feel its vibration sometimes. Do you feel it?”

As you become more relaxed in my presence and are starting to trust me as much as you are able to trust anyone, my mind opens up to you and you start to fall into it. Your body twitches as your mind leaves it behind and your essence flies through the window of my soul and we meet in an inner realm of my creation. We are both naked as I take your hand in mine and pull you down on top of me. At first you start to use me to gain some illusionary end which doesn’t exist on this plane. Then you become more aware as you realize there is nothing to win or lose here.”Be Here Now,” I whisper in your ear.

 

“I’ve never been this high in my entire life,” you whisper back as we merge and our consciousness expands to the point where we touch the mind of God.

 

Nobody stays this high for long however, and suddenly there is an explosion of white light which propels our souls back into our bodies.

Virtual Reality

 

Lately I’ve been hung up on my playstation home virtual reality.  Doesn’t sound like a very enlightened occupation but for me it’s fascinating.  Here is an example of what happened this morning.  This guy invited me to be with him so I joined him in a public place.  All these places are very beautiful and the avatars are out of this world realistic. Now this guy is not a Christ or Buddha but just a guy who wants to put the make on me.  That used to turn me off but now I realize how much effort these guys are willing to put out into their campaign to conquer the opposite sex and and I let him into my mind.  Lots of sweet talk about how beautiful I am which is true because we both see the beauty in each other at this point.  And there is a caring for each other and comfortable talk back and forth in his effort to know more about me.  And we are getting off and the people around us are reading our conversation and start surrounding us because everyone is so hungry to relate in a meaningful way with anyone else.  So at this point the guy doesn’t want to share me so he invites me to a private place and I say ok.

Then I start telling him how most people on play station are trying to escape reality but reality seems to find a way to find you no matter where you go.  Anyways I talk about how the experiences on play station can effect the circumstances of your real life.  He has trouble with that concept but I see clearly how his ability to relate to me can improve his real life when he gets a message from his real life boss and he tells me to wait until he is through with his real life call.  But to me, waiting for him is just a way of bringing me down rather than bringing him up so I leave him and go back to the physical reality I left behind with the hopes that it is still there where I left it.  And it always is there, welcoming me back because I have paid the price.

Non attachment

 

This morning I took my two dogs out into the woods for a walk and at a point deep in the woods, the dogs herded a goat to me.  I could tell the goat was lost because she came right up to me and started following me.  So the four of us walked together down the woods path until we got to the road when a truck started coming. He had to practicably come to a complete stop when he got to us because of the goat and two dogs weaving in and out in front of him.  But I waved and thanked him for waiting and he smiled at me.  Then I led the goat and dogs into a neighbors yard who got freaked when she saw a loose goat in her yard because she was afraid it would eat her flowers.  So I asked her if this was her goat or if she knew who it belonged to.  She said no and was very relived to see it follow me out of her yard.  So I took everyone back into the woods and headed back to the farm figuring this goat might be an addition to the many animals we already had.  But just before we left the woods, the goat seem to know where she was and took off into the woods on her own.  I wished her luck and thought the whole interlude was very nice.

My Puppy

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   I bought this puppy, Lucy, from an Amishman about 6 months ago.  We needed a younger cattle dog to help us with the cows because our red healer dog was getting on in years and we wanted him to pass on his skills before it was too late.  So I found this 2 month old Australian Shepard-Elkhound cross who was for sale and bought her because of the Australian Shepard breeding which I knew would make a fine cattle dog.  I had never heard of an Elkhound but figured if an Amishman bothered to breed his dog with one there must be some good qualities in her.

  The first thing I noticed about my new puppy was how she would hang out around me all the time.  The red healer would be outside somewhere and would come if I called but was never a presence in my life like this dog is.  And since I hardly go anywhere where I can’t take a dog, we bonded very closely.  One day when Lucy was about 4 months old I flushed a raccoon out from under the wood pile and my healer dog started chasing it.  Well right away Lucy joined the chase and attacked the raccoon who was bigger than she was at the time.  The two dogs worried the coon to death and so I went inside and looked up elkhound on the computer.  It turns out that elkhounds are the oldest domesticated dogs in existence and had bonded to man when man was still in the hunting stage of his existence. So I realized there is a lot of history in the breeding of this dog.

  And now we go horse back riding together, bicycling, walking in the woods, and working in the fields.  She is always trying to figure out what I’m going to do next and how she can fit into it.  It’s too bad, for the most part, that we as a culture have lost this companionship with dogs.  I know everybody and their brother owns a dog, but I’m not talking about buying a dog and chaining it up all day until you get home from work and are too tired to do anything with it. I’m saying animals can be a meaningful part of anyone’s life if one can change his or her priorities around. 

    

  

girl in the rain

girl in the rain

I’ve just gotten over a very intense virtual relationship.  Mostly I don’t engage in exclusive relationships but this one sort of blind sided me.  I met this guy in the virtual play station world and we hit it off very well.  He would be around whenever I logged on and it was nice to have a break from the horny little boys I usually had to deal with on play station home. One question I always got asked was, “do you have a boy friend?”  And when I said no, then I would get hit on by the guy I was dancing with.  So one day when I got asked that question, I said yes, partly to stop getting hit on and partly because I knew this guy I liked wanted this kind of relationship.

There was however another girl in the picture who showed up a lot but kept on saying she wasn’t this guys’ girl friend.  In fact, at the start, this girl and I became very close until one day she joined a group and didn’t seem to have time for my new bf and me.  Which was fine with me and him.  But then she came back into our lives and got pissed at me and put pressure on my bf to lie to me. As far as I was concerned that was the last straw and I confronted her about it and told her if I never see her again, to have a good life.  Unfortunately my bf confronted her too but came away with the idea that she was sorry for dorking with our relationship and she wouldn’t do it again.  But from what my bf told me about her, this wasn’t the first time she put the screws to him and I was sure it wasn’t going to be the last time either.  Then he said I should let go of my hatred of her and I told him  that I didn’t hate her but was very sure I didn’t want her in my life and it seemed in order to do that we could no longer be bf and gf.  So we wouldn’t have an exclusive relationship but would still relate as friends if he wanted.

But by this time she had taken over his mind and he stopped seeing me for awhile.  I know to a certain extent I was the one taking over his mind and leading him out of the depressed state I found him in.  And we were truly happy with each other.  But I just couldn’t be intimate with a person, who for whatever reason, turns their mind over to somebody who gets off on manipulating people.  So the other day a guy friend of mine showed up who had made friends with my ex bf and this girl who had taken over his mind.  He said he had a fight with this girl and agreed with me that she is insane and wanted me to take back my ex bf because he was so sad. I wouldn’t do it because now I could see that my ex bf had turned his mind over to this guy friend and if I got intimate again with my ex, this guy would control both of us.  And so it goes in the virtual world as well as the real world, freedom at any cost.

Seed of God

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At some point in my life I became aware of the seed of God deep in my being. I nurtured this seed with thoughts and actions of love and peace and truth and freedom. I protected this seed from the attacks of the world and never betrayed the integrity of it’s being.

As the years went by I discovered that most of the people around me had either sold their seed to the highest bidder or had fed it thoughts and actions motivated by fear until it withered and died.

Finally after finding out that I could not be bought or scared into submission, the world decided to erase me. But by this time the seed of God had become my main reason for being and I fought a long hard battle to protect it. Alas I was overwhelmed by superior odds and was trampled to death.

But lo and behold I found out there is no death. And when I looked inside my being to the place where the seed of God was planted, in its stead was a magnificent, radiant tree. The minions of the world attacked the tree with their machines and weapons only to find out their weapons were useless and their machines broke down. So at the end of the siege the little egos of the world took their broken toys and left.

It was then I realized I was not the trampled ego lying in the dirt but the magnificent, radiant tree with roots sunk deep in Mother Earth for sustenance. I no longer needed the world but now the world needed me.